Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Not a wink of sleep all night and now I'm up and all I wants is a slice of toast.

The youngster just left for school. Not even the end of October yet and already wearing his winter coat, one dropped mitten still in the porch.

I routes through the cupboard looking for the bottle of Cheez Whiz, remembers that they've changed the recipe and now you got to keep it in the fridge whether you likes it cold or not, elsewise it goes fousty.

Jesus Christ, changing the recipe of Cheez Whiz...

I'm cursing the decision makers at Kraft foods as I digs around the bottom of the jar with a butter knife produces a big shockin' gob of near neon orange covered in a weeks worth of toast crumbs.

The toast isn't poppped yet. I licks the knife clean.

A buddy of mine always makes a point of telling anyone who'll listen how much he hates Cheez Whiz. Now everytime I even sees the bottle I hears his voice:

"That stuff is only two molecules away from plastic sure!"

He'll say that as he sucks back on a cigarette, washes the taste out of his mouth by pouring a gallon of coffee down his guts.

But thats just the way, hey? The world wants to make you feel like a fuckin' jerk for getting any enjoyment out of anything. You can't have a drink cause you'll ruin your liver, can't enjoy a meal or else you'll get fat, this, that, and the other thing are gonna give you cancer, and Cheez Whiz is just a bottle of tasty plastic, you knows.

My father always says "You know when someone dies and everyone says 'Oh my, what a sin, so young and never smoked a day or drank a drop and exercised all the time...'? Well they won't say that about me."

I used to think "Jesus, dad..." But now, now I waits for my slice of white home-made bread (Fuck the multi-grains) to finish burning in the toaster while I eats Cheez Whiz off a knife.

1 comment:

Green Witch said...

Hello from Ontario! Absolutely loved this!